{"id":2046,"date":"2014-12-28T00:58:21","date_gmt":"2014-12-28T07:58:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/happyhomeschooling.com\/\/?p=2046"},"modified":"2015-07-13T17:09:22","modified_gmt":"2015-07-13T23:09:22","slug":"self-esteem","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/happyhomeschooling.com\/site\/self-esteem\/","title":{"rendered":"A Child\u2019s Self-Confidence: Handle with Care"},"content":{"rendered":"
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\"Photoxpress_667134_2-300x199\"<\/a><\/h1>\n

Jennifer, a mom who reads my blog, wrote about what happened to her little boy:<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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My middle child went to kindergarten last year at what was supposed to the best public school in the best school district in Kansas, which is one of the top states in the country. He is a kinesthetic learner with incredible spatial skills, but is a slow learner when it comes to reading. Watching his classmates \u201cget it\u201d while he struggled, killed his self confidence.<\/strong> His teacher progressed through the curriculum according to plan, and my boy was left behind. Not only did he finish kindergarten not reading, but he did not believe himself to be capable<\/em> of reading. His teacher never<\/em>\u00a0raised with us any concerns about his reading\u2014I\u2019m not certain whether she even realized that he was struggling, because he is not the type to ask for help. Here we are now, homeschooling, half-way through 1st grade, and he is just now becoming confident enough in his reading ability to read to someone besides me. He still insists that he can\u2019t read, but he\u2019s reading cereal boxes, and he can answer for me when his little brother asks, \u201cWhat does that say?\u201d!\u00a0 Yes, he is behind where other kids with his same manufacturing date range might be, but he is a unique little person who is learning and growing every day and I am proud of him and the progress he has made!<\/p>\n

My heart sinks when I read comments like hers, because I have seen this happen too many times. And usually to boys, as they tend to be very hands-on and reading and writing comes later for them.\u00a0 Just the thought of a kindergarten boy struggling to grip that pencil correctly and manipulate it to form legible letters is distressing\u2014for some little boys, it is just so difficult!\u00a0 And the girls their age often manage it easily, which only magnifies their deficit in their young heart.\u00a0What pains me about Jennifer\u2019s story is what happens to that little person\u2019s feelings about himself<\/strong>\u2014that wonderful self\u2014and his feelings of capability.\u00a0\u00a0Too sad!<\/em><\/p>\n

I can remember when I was just a little girl, probably about 4th grade.\u00a0 Our school pictures were coming up and I just wanted so much to have the \u201cright smile\u201d.\u00a0 Back to that \u201cnorm\u201d idea.\u00a0\u00a0As if there is a \u201cright\u201d smile.<\/em> I practiced in front of the mirror, trying to smile a movie star smile.\u00a0 Is a 9-year-old girl even capable of a movie star smile?\u00a0\u00a0No.<\/em> \u201cToo much television\u201d, would be my diagnosis now, as a mother.\u00a0 Too much of the world having an influence.\u00a0 But I didn\u2019t parent\u00a0myself<\/em>, so having that \u201cright\u201d smile was pretty crucial to me back then!\u00a0 I practiced in front of the mirror, touching my face so I could memorize what it felt like to have that perfect smile.\u00a0 When picture day came, and it was my turn to smile for the camera, I felt my face and made sure it was the \u201cright\u201d smile before the photographer snapped the picture.\u00a0 Back in those days, you got one pose only\u2014probably the same these days for school pictures.\u00a0 When I got my pictures back,\u00a0arrrrrrgh! <\/em>They were AWFUL!\u00a0 My pasted \u201cright\u201d smile was a facial contortion.\u00a0\u00a0Plus, ALL my other classmates had a permanent record in their full sheet class picture!<\/em><\/p>\n

The ache in this memory is the fact that a 9-year-old girl would even have the notion come into her head that she needed to\u00a0try<\/em> to be pretty, to have to try harder-than-possible to be acceptable.\u00a0 I am sad that as a little child I had somehow picked up early to worry about it!\u00a0 It didn\u2019t come from my mother, as she always had positive things to say about how beautiful we children were, and how we should be grateful that we even had a body that worked. So it must have come from the culture, the school environment, the early training out of ear shot of my mother.<\/p>\n

One thing I have been surprised about in raising my homeschooled teenagers is that\u00a0they never were afflicted with the self-depreciating attitude that children often display in the teen years <\/strong>(\u2026my nose is too big, I\u2019ll too tall, I\u2019m too short, I\u2019m too fat, I\u2019m too busty, I\u2019m not busty enough, I\u2019m a wimp muscle-wise, I need to lift weights, etc.)<\/em><\/p>\n

Actually I think it starts quite young, even back in kindergarten.\u00a0 The teacher, wanting to make losing a tooth a fun and special experience for the children, inadvertently rewards those who lose a tooth by having them come up in front of the class, putting their name on the \u201cLost a Tooth\u201d chart, taking their photo, giving them a special award, etc.\u00a0 Seems like an innocent idea, but the seeds of peer comparison and self-depreciation are sown very early. I\u2019ve heard more than one 5-year-old lament that they still had their baby teeth . . . as if it was a sin, or a reason to be sorry.<\/p>\n

Children think they are fabulous\u2014in the absence of negative peer review<\/strong>, and in the absence of being compared academically or skill-wise to classmates.\u00a0 It is amazing to me to see the natural feelings of a growing child!\u00a0 I used to worry a bit about it with when my first children came of age\u2014to hear and watch them assess their bodies and make positive exclamations about how fabulous their bodies or their talents or their minds were!\u00a0 It made me laugh nervously and feel embarrassed because in our culture it is not acceptable to mention how wonderful our body is!\u00a0 And yet, viewing it from God\u2019s perspective, it truly is amazing to see a child\u2019s body transform into a teenage body, with all its resulting capacities.\u00a0 Bigger muscles for boys means they can lift things and work like an adult and be truly useful to the family in that manner.\u00a0 And\u00a0it is natural for them to be excited and to make positive comments about what is happening to their body.<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019m so strong!\u00a0 I lifted as many hay bales as Dad did!\u201d <\/em>Those type of remarks are often discouraged\u2014we think they are un-Christian somehow, as if we are not being humble enough.\u00a0 But truly, I think they spring from genuine awe and appreciation of the personal miracle that God has wrought in their lives.\u00a0 And it follows that poise and confidence are the natural results of feeling secure and thinking well of oneself.<\/p>\n

Self-depreciation is taught by our culture of critique as being appropriate.\u00a0 Perhaps it sounds more humble, but it does a wicked work on self-esteem.\u00a0When children repeatedly compare and criticize their body, their intelligence, their capabilities\u2014it does irreparable damage. <\/strong>Better to gently teach your children to contain their expressions of delight in public, than to nullify their appreciation for the beautiful work of God in their growing minds and bodies.<\/p>\n

One of my young teenage daughters used to lay on her bed and hold up her adult-looking leg for review.\u00a0 \u201cLook how perfect my leg is!\u201d, she would exclaim.\u00a0 It made me chuckle, as I am a product of this culture of self-depreciation, and it seems odd to delight in oneself.\u00a0 But when I truly looked at her leg objectively, I was amazed too!\u00a0 How God transforms a child into a beautiful adult\u00a0is<\/em> amazing!<\/p>\n

I can guarantee you that my daughter wouldn\u2019t have that attitude towards herself if she\u2019d spent much time in the culture of the public school.\u00a0 I know that for a fact.\u00a0 I had been hospitalized and was forced to put my youngest at age 9 into school for a few months during this time.\u00a0 The drastic change in her attitude towards herself was alarming to me, and to her siblings.\u00a0 In just 3 months, she transformed and it was not for the better. One trait she quickly developed was \u201csocial awareness \u201d (gotta be cool!<\/em>)\u00a0 Long before she attended school, she had been given a soft, furry, white, full-length coat that was her very favorite!\u00a0 She felt like a snow princess when she wore it.\u00a0\u00a0It was beautiful! <\/em>She came home from school, coat slung over her arm, on a very frigid winter day.\u00a0 \u201cWhy aren\u2019t you wearing your coat?\u201d, I asked. Because it made her have \u201cpolar bear hips\u201d she confessed.\u00a0\u00a0She didn\u2019t even have hips yet!<\/em> Whoever put that cutesy little barb of criticism into her mind prevented her from wearing her very favorite coat that made her feel beautiful . . . ever again. <\/em>Though she never would part with it. I finally took it out of her closet recently and packed it away, and the feelings rushed back to me. So sad!\u00a0So wrong!<\/em><\/p>\n

Moms, academic training is important, yes.\u00a0 But a child\u2019s confidence and recognition of their own self-worth is crucial to their happiness and well-being their whole life long!\u00a0\u00a0Children are able to hear the truth, that they are a beloved child of God and hear His approval spoken quietly to their minds,\u00a0UNLESS<\/em> the negative voice of their peers and the practices of our society\u2019s critique system is louder. <\/strong>Which it usually is.<\/p>\n

It is a good time in history to homeschool . . . to protect our children\u2019s faith, tenderness, and self-worth.\u00a0 God times the growth of their body and mind perfectly in His wisdom. He loves them. He speaks approving words to their heart about their wonder and worth.\u00a0Why shouldn\u2019t everyone else?<\/em><\/p>\n

A child\u2019s self-confidence requires gentle, tender nurturing.\u00a0 Handle with care!<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

May I recommend:<\/b><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n

\"homeschooling-lonely
\nLonely, Lonely Child
\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/td>\n

\n

\"homeschooling-eyeglasses\"
\nDouble Vision
\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/td>\n

\n

\"Emilyinaspens\"
\nCommunal Comparison
\n<\/a><\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Jennifer, a mom who reads my blog, wrote about what happened to her little boy: My middle child went to kindergarten last year at what was supposed to the best public school in the best school district in Kansas, which is one of the top states in the country. He is a kinesthetic learner with […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":3919,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[14,3],"tags":[103,105],"class_list":["post-2046","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-homeschooling-concerns","category-how-to-homeschool","tag-self-confidence","tag-self-esteem","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/happyhomeschooling.com\/site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/04\/Photoxpress_667134_2-300x199.jpg?fit=300%2C199&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6IrRN-x0","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1200,"url":"https:\/\/happyhomeschooling.com\/site\/keep-on-schedule-or-let-em-fly\/","url_meta":{"origin":2046,"position":0},"title":"Keep on Schedule or Let ’em Fly?","author":"Diane Hopkins","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I just started homeschooling my 5 year old boy who loves math. 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He has always been later to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Concerns"","block_context":{"text":"Concerns","link":"https:\/\/happyhomeschooling.com\/site\/category\/how-to-homeschool\/homeschooling-concerns\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/happyhomeschooling.com\/site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/child-315049_1280.jpg?fit=794%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/happyhomeschooling.com\/site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/child-315049_1280.jpg?fit=794%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/happyhomeschooling.com\/site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/child-315049_1280.jpg?fit=794%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/happyhomeschooling.com\/site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/child-315049_1280.jpg?fit=794%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1777,"url":"https:\/\/happyhomeschooling.com\/site\/advice-to-new-homeschooler\/","url_meta":{"origin":2046,"position":4},"title":"Advice to the New Homeschooling Mom","author":"Diane Hopkins","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"Some things I wish I had known when I began homeschooling: 1) Put homeschooling first, for your kids sake When I began homeschooling, I thought that I would somehow just add homeschool to my \u00a0already busy life. It didn\u2019t take long to realize that is impossible. There are only so\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "How to Homeschool"","block_context":{"text":"How to Homeschool","link":"https:\/\/happyhomeschooling.com\/site\/category\/how-to-homeschool\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/happyhomeschooling.com\/site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/04\/hsmakingflags.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1289,"url":"https:\/\/happyhomeschooling.com\/site\/homeschool-kindergarten\/","url_meta":{"origin":2046,"position":5},"title":"A Day in our Homeschool Kindergarten","author":"Diane Hopkins","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"Kindergarten has got to be my favorite year of homeschool: sweet little eager minds so anxious to be big and to learn and everything! Come with me through a day of teaching a kindergartner at my house. After morning scripture study, bath and dressing, breakfast, chores\u2014it\u2019s school time. 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