{"id":819,"date":"2014-12-27T18:28:28","date_gmt":"2014-12-28T01:28:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/happyhomeschooling.com\/?page_id=819"},"modified":"2015-08-20T13:00:27","modified_gmt":"2015-08-20T19:00:27","slug":"never-reward-negative-behavior","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/happyhomeschooling.com\/site\/never-reward-negative-behavior\/","title":{"rendered":"Never Reward Negative Behavior"},"content":{"rendered":"

 <\/p>\n

\"boy-504326_1280\"One of the most important lessons that I ever learned is: “Never reward negative behavior!” That one line can make a world of difference in your family life.<\/strong> It is so simple, really!<\/p>\n

Think of the little boy\u00a0in the shopping cart seat who is whining, whining for candy. We’ve all seen it (and maybe lived it too!) The little guy\u00a0is working up to a pitch, and his\u00a0exasperated mother is getting frustrated. Next scene, the little boy\u00a0is happily licking\u00a0an ice cream cone. What lesson was just taught? “If I whine loud and long enough, I’ll get a treat!”<\/em><\/strong> You can bet that behavior will be repeated every time they go to the grocery store!<\/p>\n

\"grass-632219_1280\"The husband who forgets to take out the trash (or mow the lawn, or pick up his socks) finds that his wife has become impatient and done it herself. Lesson learned? “If I wait long enough, somebody will do it.”<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

The child who can’t find his book (shoes, mitt, etc.) and keeps complaining until his mother finally gets up and finds it for him. Lesson learned? “If you bump around complaining long enough, Mom will do it for you!”<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

I don’t mean to suggest that loved ones are conniving. It is just human nature\u2014no hurt is intended, but if it works, the behavior will be repeated. So, never reward negative behavior<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

What about the child who can’t sit still and behave during a class or church service? If the parent gets exasperated enough, they may be taking a trip out into the hall for awhile. Nice reward!<\/em> What if being taken out entails the parent’s displeasure\u2014is it still a reward? Yes it is!<\/em> Any undivided attention (even negative) is better than being ignored.<\/p>\n

I once watched a young mother who was so sweet with her children but suddenly went “deaf” whenever a child whined. She didn’t scold or remind, she just couldn’t hear them, apparently! I was amazed at how quickly her “whiner” changed her tone when she could no longer get a response. Next time you observe behavior you don’t like, watch for the reward. People don’t keep doing things unless there is some kind of payoff. If you are involved in paying, stop!<\/em> . . . and the behavior will stop too.<\/p>\n

Now, you know the secret, Mom!<\/strong>
\n(Never reward negative behavior.)<\/em>
\n\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

May I recommend:<\/b><\/p>\n\n\n\n
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\"bear-371352_1280\"
\nHow to Stop Bickering, Fighting, Teasing…
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\nZoned Out Kids
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\"13961\"
\nTeaching Self-Government: Set of 4 Picture Books
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  One of the most important lessons that I ever learned is: “Never reward negative behavior!” That one line can make a world of difference in your family life. It is so simple, really! Think of the little boy\u00a0in the shopping cart seat who is whining, whining for candy. We’ve all seen it (and maybe […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":5969,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[7,10],"tags":[40,264],"class_list":["post-819","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-homeschooling-parenting","category-why-homeschool","tag-child-discipline","tag-child-training","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/happyhomeschooling.com\/site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/boy-504326_1280-e1430181875326.jpg?fit=880%2C841&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6IrRN-dd","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1135,"url":"https:\/\/happyhomeschooling.com\/site\/stop-fighting\/","url_meta":{"origin":819,"position":0},"title":"How to Stop Bickering, Pestering, Fighting, Teasing…","author":"Diane Hopkins","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: My son (age 11) and daughter (age 9) seem to bicker and \"pick\" at each other endlessly\u2014even though they get in trouble for doing it. While we're doing our schoolwork, it seems that they try their best to annoy each other...and me (making gross noises, talking nonsense in silly\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Parenting"","block_context":{"text":"Parenting","link":"https:\/\/happyhomeschooling.com\/site\/category\/why-homeschool\/homeschooling-parenting\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/happyhomeschooling.com\/site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/bear-371352_1280.jpg?fit=1200%2C846&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/happyhomeschooling.com\/site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/bear-371352_1280.jpg?fit=1200%2C846&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/happyhomeschooling.com\/site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/bear-371352_1280.jpg?fit=1200%2C846&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/happyhomeschooling.com\/site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/bear-371352_1280.jpg?fit=1200%2C846&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/happyhomeschooling.com\/site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/bear-371352_1280.jpg?fit=1200%2C846&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":843,"url":"https:\/\/happyhomeschooling.com\/site\/teaching-kids-to-interrupt-politely\/","url_meta":{"origin":819,"position":1},"title":"Teaching Kids to Interrupt Politely","author":"Diane Hopkins","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"Yep, you read it right. This is a \"how-to\" for\u00a0teaching kids to interrupt. We moms love to talk, and sometimes it is hard to get a word in edgewise. A little guy that has to go to the bathroom needs a polite way to cut into the conversation. Here's how!\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Parenting"","block_context":{"text":"Parenting","link":"https:\/\/happyhomeschooling.com\/site\/category\/why-homeschool\/homeschooling-parenting\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/happyhomeschooling.com\/site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/11\/abigail_frowning.jpg?fit=400%2C266&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":6767,"url":"https:\/\/happyhomeschooling.com\/site\/all-my-kids-do-is-complain\/","url_meta":{"origin":819,"position":2},"title":"All My Kids Do is Complain","author":"Diane Hopkins","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: All my kids do is complain, whine, and try to get out of school work. Any advice? Answer: Your job is to find the best resources and methods to teach the information in a fun and interesting way that captivates their interest. Are you doing your job? Your children\u2019s\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "How to Homeschool"","block_context":{"text":"How to Homeschool","link":"https:\/\/happyhomeschooling.com\/site\/category\/how-to-homeschool\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"DCP_5061","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/happyhomeschooling.com\/site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/DCP_5061-300x200.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1129,"url":"https:\/\/happyhomeschooling.com\/site\/overwhelmed\/","url_meta":{"origin":819,"position":3},"title":"Overwhelmed","author":"Diane Hopkins","date":"","format":false,"excerpt":"Question: I am overwhelmed, feeling like I am doing, doing all day long for my kids and fall into bed at night exhausted, with little accomplished. We seem to get farther and farther behind on homeschool. How do I get out of this hole? 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That makes a definite statement about the inability of most little boys to sit in desks and endure the regimentation of public school. Little boys are wiggles and adventure. Sitting in a desk for hours\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "How to Homeschool"","block_context":{"text":"How to Homeschool","link":"https:\/\/happyhomeschooling.com\/site\/category\/how-to-homeschool\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/69.195.124.81\/~homescp3\/site\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/05\/ammon_biking.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/happyhomeschooling.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/819","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/happyhomeschooling.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/happyhomeschooling.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/happyhomeschooling.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/happyhomeschooling.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=819"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/happyhomeschooling.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/819\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7900,"href":"https:\/\/happyhomeschooling.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/819\/revisions\/7900"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/happyhomeschooling.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5969"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/happyhomeschooling.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=819"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/happyhomeschooling.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=819"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/happyhomeschooling.com\/site\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=819"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}